Two Be Or Not Two Be?

Well, it's not really a question, just a statement of fact. When you've lived 730 days on this earth, you have to turn two. No two ways about it. Okay, enough with the twoisms, and ontwo (okay, that was just bad) a Joe and Brooke Plus Six First. It's a big one, so get ready. It's a....

TUTORIAL

I know...I swore I'd never do a tutorial, but maybe your feelings of shock and awe will change when you see the title of the Tutorial:

"How To Turn Two as the Youngest Child in a Family of Six"

Okay, here goes...I've never done this tutorial stuff before so bear with me.

First, the night before, take a bath with your older brothers....this provides some good bonding time for all of you, plus you can tell them all the stuff you want for your birthday.



Second,
Wake up cranky. This is a very important step when turning two. You're not supposed to understand what a birthday is. You're just supposed to be very annoyed that your parents are making you sit on a table full of gifts at seven in the morning and not just letting you watch your shows and drink your chocolate milk (which you've recently switched to in preparation for turning two...no more of that whole milk baby stuff...)



Third, take another look at those gifts on the table. Maybe, like that one day a few weeks ago, those brightly colored packages have fun things in them:



Oh yeah, now it's coming back to you...this gift thing could be fun... especially when this gift was specifically picked out for you by your next older brother at the drug store (who knows you better than that cool guy?):



Next,(I've already forgotten what number we're on), walk the older kids to the bus stop, be a little disappointed when they don't let you get on the bus (they've done everything else you wanted up until this point), but get over it quickly when you go to the grocery store with mom and get to buy the "mouse" balloon you've been mooning over for just weeks. Plus, ask for a candy bar, and try to act cool about it when you actually get it. Maybe if you don't say anything, they'll just keep doing everything you want.



When you get home, convince your mom that you most certainly do not need a nap (do this by kicking and screaming in your crib until she feels so sorry for you on your birthday that she'll come and get you...even if she knows that means you'll be cranky later on when the guests arrive for your party), and convince your older brother (who just learned how to drive that cool green car we unearthed in the garage this weekend during spring cleanup weekend) to take you on a cruise around the block.



Drive around long enough on the cool green car that you see the even cooler big yellow school bus pull up. Yell and scream and be excited for your older brothers and sister to get off the bus. Try and figure out a way to tell them that mom has gone CRAZY. She is letting you do whatever you want ALL day. See if you can figure out a way to tell them they should tell her to take you all back to Disneyland. That was sure a fun place. But, if you can't figure out how to do that, accept fun swingy 1,2,3, rides from Joe and Maggie all the way home...hey, it's almost as good as Disneyland.



Do not even show a care when the cool green car gets repossessed by it's original owners, Harry and Charlie. It's been such a fun day, nothing can get you down.



But wait, something does get you down. You suddenly find yourself very tired. It's almost four o'clock and your guests are due to arrive in only a couple of hours. What can possibly be done? I guess you just have to crash. Your mother is so excited to have a few moments with you asleep that she doesn't even sneak in to take your picture.

Sleep just long enough to wake up cranky (again - hey it worked the first time) and be forced, yet again, into another photograph at the kitchen table. What is the deal with pictures at the kitchen table? Is there no other place we can take them? Don't feel bad that you're frowning when everyone else is smiling...or that you're the only one not wearing a party hat....remember, it's your birthday. You don't have to impress anyone.



Finally, hear the doorbell and run to see that your most favorite person in all of the world has arrived to save you from this whole mess...Grandpa. Nothing like that lap of his. Sit in that lap for a few minutes and everything looks a little better...even when your mother shoves a burning cupcake in your face while singing. What the?


Open a few more presents, enjoy time with your friends, and then still act a little disappointed when the day is over. You're a kid, right? You're entitled.





Finally, and this step is important, watch your parents as they put all your brothers and your sister to bed, but let you stay up. That's what you get when you sleep from four to six in the afternoon. Run happily around the house playing with your new things, occasionally hop on your mom's lap as she types on that computer that she seems ALWAYS to be on, but then hop off and go watch a show or something. John says there are new Team Umizoomi's on all week. What could be better?

Wait long enough, and your mom will stop typing...then she'll come and snuggle up on her bed with you. Just her and you. Just like when you born. Seven Hundred and Thirty Days ago.

That's it...this is the end. What do you think of my first tutorial? Not bad for a first-timer I'd say. Now, it's off to get that snuggling in, and to try and not think about how I'll be doing this all again in a few weeks, but this time for a twelve year old. I have a feeling a tutorial on turning twelve would have a lot fewer steps!

Disclaimer: My husband hates this kind of stuff...you know, like when parents write the Christmas letter from the perspective of a different child each year? It's just one of his pet peeves. So, if you're like him, please, apologies all around.